The Bible According to Mark Twain

Customer Reviews:

Mark Twain's Take on Bible Stories.......2005-11-29

In this book Mark Twain aims his satire at favorite stories from the Old Testament. He worked on these essays for most of his life but was afraid their irreverent nature would damage his career, therefore, he just kept re-writing and re-editing them. Most of them were not published until after his death and for some this is their introduction.

Adam and Eve, in their diaries, present bittersweet divergent stories of their dysfunctional relationship. Their accounts could be prototypes from a marriage counsellor's office, or short versions of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus."

Captain Stormfield has a dream about ending up in Heaven when he thought he was going to the other place. "He was deeply religious, by nature and by the training of his mother, and a fluent swearer by the training of his father." In this original and inventive story, we learn all those things about heaven that were left out of the Bible - but would be included in an imaginary book, "How to experience Heaven in six weeks on $10 a day."

An "Etiquette in the Afterlife" excerpt: "Do not try to show off. St. Peter dislikes it. The simpler you are dressed, the better it will please him. Above all things, avoid overdressing. A pair of spurs and a fig-leaf is plenty...leave your dog outside. Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay outside and the dog would go in."

In the masterpiece, "Letters From The Earth," Satan has been temporarily expelled from heaven and is wandering around the universe. On a lark, he decides to visit earth, an outlying little spot in an outlying galaxy that God had once played around with for a few days. Satan is astounded at what he finds, and writes home:

"This is a strange place, an extraordinary place, and interesting. There is nothing resembling it at home. The people are all insane, the other animals are all insane, the Earth is insane. Man is a marvelous curiosity. When he is at his best he is a sort of low grade nickel-plated angel; at his worst he is unspeakable, unimaginable; and first and last and all the time he is a sarcasm. Yet he blandly and in all sincerity calls himself the 'noblest work of God'...if I may put another strain on you - he thinks he is the Creator's pet. He believes the Creator's proud of him; sits up nights to admire him; yes, and watch over him and keep him out of trouble. He prays to Him, and thinks He listens. Isn't it a quaint idea? Fills his prayers with crude and bald and florid flatteries of Him, and thinks He sits and purrs over these extravagancies and enjoys them. He prays for help, and favor, and protection, every day; and does it with hopefulness and confidence, too, although no prayer of his has ever been answered...he thinks he's going to heaven! He has salaried teachers who tell him that. They also tell him there is a hell, of everlasting fire, and that he will go there if he doesn't keep the Commandments."

Of course, Noah makes an entertaining appearance, and through it all, Mark Twain has an opportunity to expound about those things in the Old Testament that do not quite make sense to him.

The authors offer scholarly histories about these essays for those who are interested. When they finally let loose with the words of Mark Twain, the reader feels a breath of fresh air. This is a fine collection of satires on religion by perhaps America's premier homespun author; a very definite five stars, and well worth your time.

A heavenly work of devilish mischief.......2004-09-03

"The Bible According to Mark Twain" is one of those serendipitous finds that is as delightful as is it unexpected. Twain shows himself to be a serious thinker about biblical issues, especially as they pertain to the saintly rogues and roguish saints who populated his world. The works in this volume expand on biblical themes, and are as human as they are irreverent. There is no sacrilege or blasphemy intended in Twain's musings -- simply the toil of a man trying to come to terms with the sometimes illogical world inhabited by religious people.

Twain muses on the story of Noah's ark by wondering about the germs that must have been stowed aboard along with Noah and his family. What kind of a God would ensure that such dangerous organisms would survive the "destruction" of life on earth, allowing them to renew their deadly work afterward? Twain's Captain Stormfield, recently deceased and on his way to heaven, shows the author grappling with the recently-discovered enormity of the universe, and with a heaven segregated (not by race and religion as one Earth) by planet and geographical region. "Letters from Earth," authored by Satan before his banishment to eternal fire, makes rather pointed comments about earthlings' desire for a heaven that is both bereft of earthly pleasures (notably sex) and filled with activity that earthlings normally shun (singing, church services, rubbing shoulders with Jews, blacks and heathens).

Few if any of the completed and incomplete works in this volume were published in Twain's lifetime. Yet the writings show him to be a religious man, in the sense of one who wrestles with the great eternal questions. Twain could not have been satisfied with the pious niceties he likely received from the religious worthies of his day. His questions continue to challenge us to enlarge our conceptions of the deity. Not for him was a deity who looked too much like the rascals and fools he encountered on a day's perambulation. Many of his questions (for instance about the historicity of the Bible) were very perceptive and continue to challenge us to this day.

"The Bible According to Mark Twain" may not rock your religious world, but it will set you to thinking about the way that in every age, "God" acts and thinks suspiciously like ourselves!

Indispensable religious satire.......2002-10-05

Mark Twain promptly proves with this volume that he is, indeed, as the title states, "America's Master Satirist." Having grown up in a fundamentalist Presbyterian community, Twain knew his Bible well; and, like any thinking person, his beliefs and attitudes relating to it changed as he grew older, wiser, and more experienced. Although Twain - due to many factors, such as the death of several children and his wife and his failed investments - grew famously bitter towards the end of his life, his vision remained remarkably clear-headed, though clearly suffued with pessimism - indeed, his zest for the truth and absolute intolerance for mankind's accepted irrational beliefs became even more razor-sharp during this period. Although there are writings in this volume from all phases of Mark Twain's career, the majority of them do come from that latter period - a period in which, indeed, the exploration of these themes was the main facet of his writing. Included are such well-known items as the Diaries of Adam and Eve (as well as several other Old Testament characters), Captain Stormfield's Visit To Heaven (published here in full for the first time ever), and, of course, his masterpiece, Letters From The Earth. In these, and the other, oftentimes more obscure pieces, Twain burlesques and satarizes freely, calling mankind on both his steadfast taking to irrational and illogical beliefs, as well as on his sheer stupidity and gullibility. If one is looking for a satire along the lines of Tom Sawyer or Huck Finn, then this is DEFINITELY not the place to look; however, if you have a fondness, as I do, for the darker, more probing side of Twain, then this is a volume that you must most definitely pick up.

Surprisingly non-controversial.......2001-07-11

I am a very religious person, and I was somewhat skeptical about reading this book when I received it as a gift. My husband and I read each other the diaries of Adam and Eve, and by the end we were both so moved we cried. True, it is excellent satire, but it is hardly offensive. Mark Twain manages to weave in sincerity and bits of truth with his masterful parodies.

Right-Wing Religionist Praises Mark Twain.......2001-07-04

NEWSFLASH: I am a very religious conservative (aka "right-wing nut") who believes in the Bible and other books of scripture as the word of God, yet (unlike another reviewer would predict) I love Mark Twain's religious satire. I think that he has a keen eye for truth -- he sorts out the garbage of man-made religious fluff from the stuff that really matters. In many ways, his religious writings actually support my own beliefs in his tongue-in-cheek way. I don't think this book has any use if you intend to "bash" right-wing religionists with it. Anyone who would be shaken by Twain's writings probably doesn't really believe what they profess anyway...

Customer Reviews:

Not as great as the other works.......2005-11-10

I am a fan of Mark Twain and have read all of his major works: Huck Finn, Tom Sawyer, Connecticut Yankee, Prince and the Pauper, etc... and so I was excited to discover this book at my local library. After reading it I realized why it is not as well-known as the other works; it is not as entertaining, endearing, humorous, or heart-wrenching. In short, this book is a collection of several writings. These include Twain's writings on the Bible, and commentaries written by others on Twain's writings on the Bible. The former is not one continuous work, but actually several different works written to parallel different parts of the Bible, primarily the Old Testament. The most notable of these is the story that mocks Genesis. Told from both Adam's and Eve's point of view, it retells the Genesis story and the life of the first humans with a touch of wit, dry humor, sarcasm, and ribaldness. Though funny at times, and probably at the edge of decency when they were first published, the humor and points made in these stories are nothing significant in today's world. All in all an alright edition to the canon on Twain.

Without any doubt this book belongs on everyone's bookshelf........1996-02-08

Marvelous. Compelling. Funny. (How rare to review a new work by Mark Twain!) This book is rare, old scotch with just enough ice. It's a fine, black Connecticut cigar. It's a wide tie with a brave picture on it. It's a moonlit sail on the seas of time, and the distant rasping, drawling voice of God, winking at the human race through his prophet Samuel. Get it. Read it a little at a time. Hope like hell somebody finds some more papers out there in California that nobody has had the chance at, and that the small minded are at lunch and the office boy leaves them in the outbox and they, too, come to print while yet we live. No one can possibly get past the mythic Mark Twain to a deeper understanding of the great writer and his later passions without a thorough reading of the Eden stories, and an enjoyment of his darker humor. As an anthology, this book is a delight. But this work includes previously unpublished writings, and so it must be in any Twain lover's library. The author of this book is Clemens himself. The editors have, with appropriate reverence and irreverence, expanded the horizons of our understanding. Hoorays and war-whoops all round.

Book Description

After years spent mourning the death of her partner, Christine Kane, Minneapolis restaurateur Jane Lawless is moving on. As she sorts through the boxes of Christines belongings, she is shocked to discover a gun. Before her illness, Christine, a real estate agent, was selling a house for the Simoneau family. The night before her death, three family members were murdered. Jane always assumed Christine knew nothing of the Simoneau family secrets, but the gun suggests otherwise. As Jane searches for clues to understand what really happened to Christine those many years ago, her pursuit leads her deep into danger.

Customer Reviews:

I'm a Lawless Virgin.......2007-10-03

The subject line refers, of course, to the fact that this is the first Ellen Hart book I've read and her main character is Jane Lawless, chef, dog-lover, and amateur sleuth. If IRON GIRL is any indication of the quality of Ellen Hart's books, I will be reading them all, in short order. THE IRON GIRL was a cleverly plotted mystery (kudos to Hart for making the central crime, which occurred years before and off-stage so fascinating), but it was also much more. Hart fills her mystery with twists and turns just like others in her genre, but she also fills her mystery with intensely likable, all-too-human characters, a generous dose of pathos, and lots of humor.

Danger AND Romance .......2007-07-11

I've read all of Hart's novels and while they are all well written, compelling and interesting stories, The Iron Girl is really, really good. A combination of danger, humor and romance kept me reading until the startling and satisfying conclusion.

This latest episode in the "Jane Lawless" series is more emotional and dramatic than anything Hart has done before. Ellen Hart has mastered the intricacies of serving plot and character in equal portions. The emotions are so real you'll find yourself drawn in and living the story.

Suspense and Drama at its Best!.......2006-02-06

Restaurant owner, Jane Lawless is embroiled yet again, in another mystery to solve. This one hits close to home. Very, very close in fact.

Convinced by her longtime friend Cordelia Thorn to open a restaurant with a business associate, Jane meets Greta, a young woman who eerily resembles her deceased lover Christine. Greta claims to be interested in photographing the rennovations as a school project. Cordelia, however, is not convinced of Greta's true motives. Why? What about the young woman is rubbing Cordelia the wrong way?

It's been several years since Jane lost Christine. But Jane now feels she is finally ready to sort out Christine's things. While going through the boxes that had been packed away, she finds something that has her questioning just how well she knew her lover. What could Christine have been involved in? And why wouldn't she have told Jane? How could what Jane found impact the feelings she still carries for Christine?

Then there is Jane's relationship with her new lover Kenzie Mullroy, a woman she met just a short time ago. A relationship that is still growing and could be put into danger by Jane's feelings for Greta. How? Will Jane's feelings for her longlost love, surfacing again with Greta's appearance, overide her feelings for her new one? Will Kenzie even stick around to find out?

The Iron Girl is an excellent offering by an extremely talented author. Ellen Hart presents a book filled with tremendous suspense, drama and intrigue, and demanding to be read. Just when you think you have the mystery solved, the author throws in a twist that has you trying hard not to cheat and skip to the end of the book!

Tension, Suspense, Danger and a Dead Ringer.......2005-12-27

Jane Lawless has struggled and grieved over her partner Christine's death back in 1987, a long time ago, but now she's happy with someone else and after coming back from a vacation with new partner Kenzie, she finally decides she's ready go through Christine's things. However, as she's going through Christine's briefcase, she finds a gun that shouldn't be there and now she has questions that need to be answered.

Christine was a realtor and the day before her death three members of one of her client's families had been murdered and Jane, investigator that she is, naturally wonders if there is a connection between those murders and the gun in Christine's briefcase. And as she looks into it she meets a young woman who is almost a dead ringer for Christine and now not only is her relationship with Kenzie on the line, but her life as well.

I like the way Ms. Hart weaves her tale, drawing you in page by page. I also liked Jane's somewhat eccentric, but very sharp sidekick Cordelia. She is just to die for, character wise that is. Ms. Hart has a unique talent of spicing up her clues with a few very good laughs amid the tension and she knows how to keep her readers turning the pages.

Enjoyable but more coincidence than investigation.......2005-11-10

The murder had taken place years before. Two people were brutally killed, a young boy traumatized, and the surviving family members left in their disintegrating home, backbiting and squabbling, with a line down the middle of the house to make sure neither trespassed on the other. Jane Lawless's lover, Christine, had been involved in a real estate deal that was supposed to sell that house, but Christine's cancer and the murder put the real estate deal on permanent hold. Now, though, Jane is starting to see hints of that murder everywhere.

Jane has left boxes of Christine's stuff, uninspected, but she now feels brave enough to face them. Until one of the first things she finds is a gun that matches one used in the murders. Then, a beautiful woman who looks exactly like a younger version of Christine shows up and Jane has to deal with her pain and loss all over again. Third, an old friend brings Jane a box holding a gift that, according to the friend, Christine meant for Jane to have. It's one of the pieces of art stolen from the murder site--part of the evidence the police used to convict the gardener--accused of being caught stealing.

Jane is sure the courts convicted the wrong man. Together with her friend Cordelia, and her new friend (and Christine look-alike) Greta, Jane decides to investigate.

Author Ellen Hart is a talented wordsmith and creates interesting characters. The gothic house, with its two surviving and unsavory siblings is a classic. Jane, with her love life torn between her new affection for Kenzie and her conflicted feelings toward Christine/Greta is also interesting and Cordelia is a pure scream.

I would have liked to see the mystery rely less on coincidence and luck, and more on the actual investigation. The few clues that Jane actually turns up seem to happen despite Jane's efforts rather than because of them. I was also left feeling that there was something missing at the end. THE IRON GIRL was hard to put down, had its moments of thrill and chill, and seems very authentic about the lesbian lifestyle that Jane, Christine, Cordelia, and Kenzie have adapted. This isn't a perfect mystery, but it is enjoyable.

Average customer rating:

Brilliant Stuff ! Best Book in ages !

Dandy And Sparky in the Rock Festival
A. E. Franklin
Manufacturer: Authorhouse
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

General | Fantasy | Science Fiction & Fantasy | Subjects | Books
ASIN: 1420883488

Customer Reviews:

Brilliant Stuff ! Best Book in ages !.......2006-02-08

I love funny books and books with illustrations. This one has got both! There are real funny cartoons depicting characters throughout the book, which makes this book like a collectors item or work of art, the writing is terrific and very imaginative - the author is a BRIT!!!! I recommend it! A really surreal story and genuinely humorous tale set in a Rock Festival. Cutting edge writing, a must have book that's going to be a big hit. Tell your Friends!!!!!!!

Book Description

This authoritative guide gives parents the inside scoop on how psychological testing works and how to use testing to get the best help for their child. Two Harvard experts spell out the entire process of testing for dyslexia, ADHD, math and reading disorders, Asperger syndrome, depression, anxiety, and other common childhood problems. Parents learn what different tests actually measure and how to "crack the code" of jargon-filled reports, numerical scores, and educational recommendations. Also discussed are key qualifications to look for in evaluators, what kinds of testing schools are required to provide, and when to consider paying for private testing instead. Comprehensive and accessible, the book includes tips on making testing less stressful for children and loads of resources, FAQs, and examples.

Customer Reviews:

User-friendly. Invaluable information.......2006-02-25

The Editorial reviews give you enough information about what's in this book. Let me just add that as a mom of a special needs daughter, I thought the book was fabulous. I recommended that my local library get it, and they did.
If you're one of the thousands of families with a special need child, this book can help de-mystify the psychological referral and testing process. What test do they use? What do each measure? And who are all these different psychological-professionals?
It's written in an easy to read manner, and offers a strong focus on how to negotiate the world of psychological tests- either within the school system or privately.

If you're not sure - borrow a copy from the library. You'll end up purchasing one for yourself.

In-depth information on the testing process.......2005-02-05

Psychological testing is very useful, but is complex and often misunderstood. This book covers the topic from many angles. Why should you get testing? Who does testing? How do you pay for it? What do you do with it once you have it?

This is probably not your spring break beach book. The book packs a lot of detailed information that could be useful for parents and health professionals. The authors use many brief vignettes to illustrate the information. However, it may be too dense and comprehensive for some individuals. If you don't want to read it straight through, you could use it as a reference book to look up information on particular tests or diagnoses. Schools might do well to purchase this book for use by some of their staff.

The book is organized by diagnosis (such as Dyslexia, AD/HD, Autism) and by types of psychological tests (such as intelligence tests, achievement tests and projective tests.) I particularly liked the section on starting the process of psychological testing. This type of testing is very expensive and it is often difficult to get schools or private insruance to pay for it. There was practical information on funding for tests and the pros and cons of getting expensive private testing or free public school testing. Since many parents are going to be using the testing to try to get special education services, the authors give an overview of the special education hearing procedures. A lot of abbreviations are used here, so read carefully.

In each section on diagnoses, the authors talk about sharing information with the child or adolescent. They discuss practical ways that one might use the test results to guide the child's education and treatment. They attempt to be practical. I would have liked to hear more about the role of psychological testing when an adolescent is trying to get special accomodations on tests like the SAT.

Overall, this is an excellent discussion of a complex topic. Parents who read it will have an easier time advocating for their children in school placement meetings. they may also find it easier to see the child in the scales and numbers.

This book is a parents best friend!.......2003-12-17

I picked up "Straight Talk about Psychological Testing for Kids" with the intention of giving it as a gift to a friend with an ADHD child. As I flipped its pages I was stunned with the amount of information and insight it contained regarding children that didn't seem challenging at all. From gifted children to teenagers that have become withdrawn or disinterested. Many suffer needlessly without an evaluation at some point in their lives. This is not to say that Braaten and Felopulos are pushing testing on anybody. In a very friendly way they discuss many childhood disorders, and offer up the options, costs, pros and cons of each. They explain how to use testing to get the best help for the child, and as a result, will provide the ultimate gift to their readers-HOPE.

Average customer rating:

Straight Talk about Psychological Testing for Kids
Ellen Braaten
Manufacturer: NY
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover
ASIN: B000MU4OA0

Book Description

TOUR GUIDE:REGINA CAMPBELL
Creator of exotic, yet easy-to-prepare, vegetarian dishes-and host of public TV's "Regina's Vegetarian Table."

A VEGETARIAN PASSPORT TO CULINARY STYLES AND HOT-SPOTS...
Cajun/Creole * Caribbean * China * Coastal U.S. * Eastern Europe * France * Greece India * Italy * Japan * Mexico Middle East * New Southern Southeast Asia * Southwestern

FEATURING MORE THAN 140 RECIPES-
from appetizers to beverages
Jerk-Style Black Beans * Saut&eacuteed Tofu in Mushroom Sauce * Madame Bovie's Borscht * Provencal Potato Gratin * Baklava * Indian Creamed Spinach * Chai * Grilled Eggplant and Onion Bruscetta * Avocado Sushi * Grilled Teriyaki Eggplant * Papaya and Roasted Pepper Salsa * Lime Sherbet with White Chocolate * Mediterranean Vegetable Strata * Stuffed Figs in Chocolate * Spicy Pineapple and Coconut Milk Soup * Ginger Broccoli and Noodle Salad * Dirty Rice and Beans * Cheesy Grits with Pecans * Lime Tart with Tequila

Book Description

Comprised of 40 full-page, two-color plates of finished drawings in several media, this new volume reproduces Mucha's extraordinary 1905 style book, Figures Décoratives, a summation of Art Nouveau art and design. New introduction.

Customer Reviews:

Figures decoratives - 4.5.......2005-09-09

This book is a reproduction of Alphonse Mucha's second commissioned portfolio that was published in 1905. It's main use was and continues to be to help artists with composing the body within unusual and interesting shapes. The bulk of the drawings are, as would be expected with Mucha, of women in various dress or in the nude. There are also a few examples of younger children. I found this book to be useful for practice as copying the various figures has helped me gain a better grasp of anatomy. My only complaint would be that there are no studies of men in the plates.

Not enough.......2001-01-16

Mucha I love. His art is still very unique even today. It never seems old. This book is a good Dover book to see 40 plates by Mucha. They are presented in their original color. But I wouldn't recommend buying it because Dover has another book on Mucha which has 70 plates in original color. The 70 plates book is excellent and I recommend highly on getting it before it goes out of print.

The works presented in this book aren't too diverse. They are mostly tinted in either red or blue.

Book Description

Highly collectible household objects designed and signed by name artists of the 1950s and 1960s are presented here. The artists have become well known: Georges Briard, Sascha Brastoff, Mark Bellaire, Frances and Michael Higgins, and others. The modern styles of hundreds of glass tumblers, ash trays, and household accessories that are artist signed(often in gold)have become popular again, 40 years after they were made. The leading designer and marketing wizard of this style is Georges Briard about whom much written here, and many of his designs are pictured, along with much work by the other prominent featured artists. Here is mid-century design at its most popular level.

Book Description

In 1971, Sandi Toksvig was sent to Mamaroneck High in New York, where at age 13, she fell in love with the theater. The school production that year was Thornton Wilder’s The Skin of Our Teeth, and she was among the three girls chosen to play the lead role of Gladys Antrobus. Before long, the three “Gladyses” were inseparable friends, and by the time the play debuted, “The Gladys Society” had stretched to twelve members. Thirty years on and living in England, Sandi decided to return to the States to discover what had happened to her eleven fellow Gladyses and, in the process, revisit America. By turns hilarious and moving, this is a delightfully engaging story of friends united and a country rediscovered.

Customer Reviews:

Comedienne revisits her past.......2004-10-03

I much prefer Sandy Toksvig's non-fiction writing to her novels. Here she provides a twist to the (too easy) choice of a childhood memoir by focusing on a play put on by her high school drama class and links it with the current vogue for quest-based books by attempting to relocate her co-stars in a kind of "friends reunited " adventure.

The structure of the book - a series of vignettes as she meets various chums of long ago - plays to Toksvig's strengths as she deftly outlines characters and finds the humor in some absurd social situations.

She clearly embarked on something of a spitiual journey in trying to reunite the Gladys Society and it is a testament to her skill as a writer that she is able to take her readers along with her.

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